apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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