Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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