do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i was born a porn star she said
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
