Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
