He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
