State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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