I am puke
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
