Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
