It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
