Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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