Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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