your room smells of hookers.
And success
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
