She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize