did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
