I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
zippers are such a cool invention
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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