We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
