I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
