it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
