That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
