i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
