I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
