I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
