I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
