Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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