The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
