Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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