I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Boobs are out for the taking
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
