When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
