You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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