I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
