My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
