i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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