the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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