alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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