At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Girls should come with a carfax report
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
