she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
