How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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