You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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