i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
