Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
