You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
