lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
