not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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