listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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