Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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