Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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