a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
