even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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