I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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