My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
