Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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