non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
