well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
