Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His hands were made for my vagina.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I stole a fireplace last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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