Say something about gay babies.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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