Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
