Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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