is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
