This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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