i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
