you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
