I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
