i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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