I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize