I wish my penis had an off switch
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
